After gassing up, he pulled on the cord (yes, the one with the words, “One Pull to Start”) and, guess what, no response; no surprise on his part either. Many more pulls did not do the trick; out comes the spark plug and cleaning rag. That did the trick, one pull to start, YES! It started. In his glee, he released the safety lever and it quickly stopped. Undaunted he pulled again and it restarted; lawn mowed.

We discussed the lessons provided by this task. One was that all tasks, as a matter of fact all of life, offers each of us the opportunity to learn something new about the situation, the world, life itself, ourselves. Another was the power of intention, something we hold and discuss in The Surround and in my coaching. He kept his eye on the lawn being mowed that day, no matter what. There was not thought of the day going any other way. All his actions headed him in that direction. Many pulls, no problem, eye on the intended outcome.

The last lesson we discussed was the one relating to One Pull to Start. Yes, it did take many pulls to get to that one pull that actually started the mower. Were they wasted? No! That was the path he had to walk to get to fulfill the intention. How many times have we given up on a project, on a relationship, on ourselves when one more ‘pull’, a bit more of intention would have had us succeed?

The post One Pull to Start appeared first on The Surround.

It occurred to me that many of us lead ‘caged’ lives. We get into a comfortable routine, or get resigned to how our lives are. We go through the motions. We have the job, the family, the house, etc. and lack the joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction. Occasionally, we get out of the cage, we get prodded to the performance area – our work, our athletic endeavors, our family occasion – do our ‘act’ and then get back in our cages.

How can we break out of this cage? How can we get the support we need to be the best we can as fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, and workers. In my work, I have found the power of connection – the intentional connection with other men – helps me and others to be out of the cage, to be living fulfilling lives. Yes, it takes connection, it also takes intention, being aware of one’s purpose, and being able to see and deal with the hidden saboteur – the one we listen to that gets in the way of our living a satisfying life as the best man we can be.

Need help? You have found it! Contact me for a free, introductory coaching session and get out of your cage!

The post What Cage Are You In? appeared first on The Surround.

This movie brings to mind our journeys as fathers of sons. While we are not ‘on the road’ with them for every moment, we do share their journey Sometimes the sharing is on a frequent basis, hearing all the details. For others, it comes from a distance, sporadically.

For all, it occurs in our minds, in our hearts, each and every day. We share the ups and downs, successes and failures. At times we are elated, at others down. Is there relief from the wondering about whether or not we could have done a better job? We give our best in each moment, in each challenge, in each opportunity. We pray that he turns out. We let go and, ultimately, accept.

Where are you on the journey with your son? Who supports your through it? What fathers are you connected to that share this journey?

The post The Way – The Movie, A Father’s Reflection appeared first on The Surround.

After Dan’s talk, people had the opportunity to take a picture with him. One of the photographers asked his subject, using her camera, “How do I focus?” Her response was that the camera would take care of that.

This brought a question to my mind, “Where and how do I expect others to focus?” In reviewing my notes, I was reminded that Dan had said something similar which leads me to edit the question to, “Where and how do I expect others to know what I know?”

He said to beware the curse of knowledge, where we know something and expect others to know the same thing.

Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions – there they go again getting us into trouble or at least thrown off course. It did not take long for me to have this lesson meted out to me after sending an email and not making clear who the recipients were. It caused a reply from the leader of a particular group asking if the entire group had received it. I thought my ‘good idea’ used in the subject line would make that clear.

A good reminder for me to stand in the shoes of the recipient, to look at what I write as if  they are reading it, to be clear, to be of value. Hopefully, I have done this in this post.

Where and when are you making assumptions? …expect others to know what you know? What trouble does it get you into? What can you do to prevent this?

The post “How Do I Focus?” appeared first on The Surround.

Of course, he meant that there were weak signals in some of the areas in which he traveled. Well, being the coach and listener that I am, I could not help but seize the moment and ask him what his dead spots were. He immediately understood my question and intention and proceeded to identify areas in which he was blind or stuck. These included not only the business but his family and volunteer commitments as well.

It was great that he was willing to open up and tell the truth about some of these areas. Saying what is so, right now, about an area in life is so important to making progress in that area. It is only from seeing and accepting a situation as it is that we can take territory; that we can learn; that we can make choice and make powerful changes in ourselves, our approach and our circumstances.

What are your dead spots? Who in your life asks you that question? Have you told the truth? Who is on your side in making the progress you want to make in life, family and work?

The post Where are your dead spots? appeared first on The Surround.

Meditation as a fairly regular daily discipline has been part of my life for many years. Many people ask why I sit, and my answer is that I sit just to sit. Sit being synonymous to meditation in the Soto Zen tradition I practice.

So, obviously, there must be benefits or why would I or anyone else just sit. One thing that happens is that I am more mindful. This has me be more present to life and to those around me. It leads to greater compassion and love.

Oh, and also, much less anger. After sitting for a while, there was much less anger being expressed. I was better able to see it rising and let it go. Now, I notice there are fewer times that the feeling is in my body. This has set the tone for much better relationships especially in my marriage and family.

Why, “For the good time?” Well, I am in the midst of leading a course in a local prison entitled Path of Freedom. It incorporates meditation and other some cognitive approaches to helping the inmates be mindful of their actions when an external stimulus works on them. If they attend all the classes, they receive ‘good time’ which translates into time off their sentences. When I shared my meditation practice with my minister recently, he asked why I sat; my response, as above, “I sit just to sit; then find the benefit.” His response, “Sounds like you sit for the good time.” I had to agree, life is better as a result, it is good. I am grateful all I have and now am aware and mindful of it all.

How do you reach for the spiritual, the inner voice? What makes you more mindful of all around you? What gets you to ‘the good time’?

The post For the Good Time appeared first on The Surround.

As the topic I saw the men needed to address was ownership, this message struck home. What is the path to fulfilling our purpose, living our passion and our dreams if we do not own our lives? What is the path the ownership, to freedom?

Reading this at the start of the meeting, started a conversation that I did not anticipate. It helped men to connect with all the men and to open up about that which stops them from having their dreams come true. We call this inner saboteur our Broken Record – the phrase that goes on and on in our heads that keeps us from getting to work on what we really want.

The conversation was about accepting and owning the Broken Record. We saw that from that, we would have the freedom to move forward powerfully, see our purposes in life, and accomplish them. As Merton says in other words, if we each accept ourselves in the right way, we can and will surpass ourselves, we will be on the path.

How do you get on the path? Are you free from the inner saboteur? Are you aware of it? Where do you turn for acceptance? With whom do you connect in such conversations?

The post Acceptance – Owning our lives, fulfilling our dreams appeared first on The Surround.

The post A Man Lost…and Found appeared first on The Surround.

OK, so the answer is obvious and I already answered it in the second sentence – I DID! The life I have is rich and full – family, spiritual community, friends, clients, biking buddies, hundreds of Facebook friends and over 1000 connections on LinkedIn!
Also, I have the opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives through my work, biking for charity, and through my church.

I guess the real question is, did I have to choose so many things to do? While I may feel overwhelmed and jammed up by them right now, I have to say yes to this question. Collectively, these opportunities constitute my ‘ministry’, my unique contribution to the world. This is what I do to not only give to others, but to fulfill and fill my soul.

A Zen monk said, “It is in the giving to others that we fulfill our own needs.” This is my experience and it forms the context in which I approach each of my commitments, each of my opportunities to give, to teach, to train, to encounter, and to engage with others.

Yes, there are times, like today, that I may forget this context, that I feel like the victim of my schedule. But, there is this voice inside, if I pay attention, if I choose to hear it and listen to it, that says, “Yes, Alan, you are feeling like the victim, however, you chose it and you chose it so you could make a difference; so you could give to others; so you could be fulfilled.” I am grateful for the voice, for the message and for the clarity I have to hear it.

What fulfills you? Where do you give? What is missing from your life the inclusion of which would give joy and fulfillment? Who supports you in your fulfilling your life?

The post This IS My Life appeared first on The Surround.

Well, one of her favorite guys is none other than Justin Bieber. In a ceremony performed in her home, Avalanna ‘married’ Justin – pretty cool, eh? Of course, she wanted to be with her husband. A Facebook page was created in an attempt to get her to meet Justin. In just a week, over 10,000 people ‘liked’ the page. A great outpouring of people caring about this little girl, caring about dreams, caring about humanity.

Now, a week after the posting began, there are pictures of the newlyweds! They met at some point over the weekend or this morning. There are so many posts on the page that I can’t get back far enough to hear about how it came about. It is truly miraculous.

In The Surround, men connect and work together to be better men. In some way, and usually without using the word, the men are being coached to help each other fulfill their dreams. We talk a lot about passion and purpose; but it’s really about fulfilling dreams.

While none are to meet Justin Bier, at least none that I am aware of, they are just as important to these men as Avalanna’s dream was to her. Av’s dream was fulfilled by people connecting with people and finally someone connecting with JB.

An earlier blog post addressed connection. This is one of the basic principles of The Surround. When men connect with other men, intentionally, they all become better men. Said another way, their dreams come true. Their wives have better husbands. Their kids have better fathers. They are more productive on the job. All out of connection; all out of intentionally going for their dreams.

What are your dreams? Your passion? Your purpose? Who is on your side in accomplishing them?

The post Dreams Come True appeared first on The Surround.